Saturday, March 29, 2008
So close yet still so far
INTRODUCTION:A month after my last post, Iceman found out that I like him. Well, he kinda figured it out himself. We talked about it and we're cool. He promised never to be like those bitches who treated me like shit and that we're still going to be best friends no matter what.
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my posts.
It's hard when you have school, the varsity team and more schoolwork behind you. So since my last post, A lot has happened. And I mean a lot.
It's hard when you have school, the varsity team and more schoolwork behind you. So since my last post, A lot has happened. And I mean a lot.
First off, Astroboy and I are close friends now. We kinda talked about our situation and he said sorry for what happened. I told him that it's all good and that I'm glad we're closer than ever (I'm actually helping him win the heart of my other friend). Kenshin by the way, has a girlfriend. At first I was all queesy about it but turns out the girl is actually nice and it looks like he loves her very much.
And as for my best friend Iceman? Well, we're still best friends. One problem though:
I already love him.
I don't want to but it happened so suddenly that I couldn't do anything about it. Astroboy and my friend keep telling me to tell Iceman already. I told them I won't. I never will. Because for once in my life, when I tell someone I love them, I want them to say it back. But in case, that will never happen to me and Iceman so what's the point, right? As long as he knows I care about him, then I'm fine with it. So everything seems to go so smoothly...
Ever since Iceman found out that I like him, we became closer. We started spending more time together, talking for hours on the phone and he would always wait for me whenever I have practice with my team at school.
Everything was perfect.
Or so I thought.
One wednesday(03.26.08), we were with our friends hanging out at McDonald's after my practice. I was sitting in a booth with three of my friends, watching something on his psp while Iceman was hanging out with some of our friends at a table near us. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them looking at me. Then finally they called me cuz apparently, they needed to talk to me.
That's when my world started to crumble slowly. Iceman told me that he likes this girl. And it turns out that it was a good friend of mine at school. As soon as I heard her name, I felt this uncomfortable shiver running through my spine. It was the worst thing I heard from him since we became friends.
That's when my world started to crumble slowly. Iceman told me that he likes this girl. And it turns out that it was a good friend of mine at school. As soon as I heard her name, I felt this uncomfortable shiver running through my spine. It was the worst thing I heard from him since we became friends.
Iceman asked and held my hand. "I know it's hard. Believe me I've tried telling you this past few weeks but I didn't want to hurt you because you're my best friend and I don't want to see you hurt."
"I'm fine," I said. But beign the awesome face-reader that he was, he automatically knew that I wasn't.
"No you're not." He said and came over to hug me. I hugged him, trying to hold back the tears from my eyes. I made up some excuse to go home so I packed my stuff quickly. As I was putting on my jacket, I saw him stand up and pack up his stuff.
"So ,which way do you want us to go?" (his usual question whenever we would take the bus together)
I zipped up my jacket and said "stay here for a bit. I kinda want to go home alone today."
We both knew why. But he insisted on walking me out the door. As I was about to leave, he gave me a hug.
"I'm fine," I said. But beign the awesome face-reader that he was, he automatically knew that I wasn't.
"No you're not." He said and came over to hug me. I hugged him, trying to hold back the tears from my eyes. I made up some excuse to go home so I packed my stuff quickly. As I was putting on my jacket, I saw him stand up and pack up his stuff.
"So ,which way do you want us to go?" (his usual question whenever we would take the bus together)
I zipped up my jacket and said "stay here for a bit. I kinda want to go home alone today."
We both knew why. But he insisted on walking me out the door. As I was about to leave, he gave me a hug.
I was halfway through the parking lot when I started crying. I called my Kuya (means "older brother" in my language) but he wasn't answering his phone. So I had no choice but to call Iceman's phone.
"Hello?" he picked up. I tried to hide the shaking of my voice but it clearly didn't work.
"Hey," I replied. "Can you call Jasmine (not her real name) and tell her to meet me at he parking lot?"
"Yeah sure."
"Ok thanks."
As soon as Jasmine saw me stanmding in the middle of the parking lot, she hugged me and I started crying again. She calmed me down and told me that everything's gonna be fine. And she told me how bad Iceman really wanted to tell me but he couldn't stand to see me get hurt and shit like that. So we stayed ther in the parking lot for a couple of minutes and I told her that I wanted to go home. So I walked all the way to my stop and waited there. As I waited, I felt someone put their arms around me. I looked up and saw this friend of mine. I hugged him back and I started crying all over again. As I hugged him, I turned arodun and I saw Iceman standing behind my bus stop. From his face, I saw the saddest expression he's ever made. And I never want to see him make that face again. I wanted to go up to him and kiss him and tell him how sorry I was for crying over something like that but I was in so much pain that I think I ended up givign him an angry look. He decided to take the next bus that came while I waited a couple more minutes for the other bus.
"Hello?" he picked up. I tried to hide the shaking of my voice but it clearly didn't work.
"Hey," I replied. "Can you call Jasmine (not her real name) and tell her to meet me at he parking lot?"
"Yeah sure."
"Ok thanks."
As soon as Jasmine saw me stanmding in the middle of the parking lot, she hugged me and I started crying again. She calmed me down and told me that everything's gonna be fine. And she told me how bad Iceman really wanted to tell me but he couldn't stand to see me get hurt and shit like that. So we stayed ther in the parking lot for a couple of minutes and I told her that I wanted to go home. So I walked all the way to my stop and waited there. As I waited, I felt someone put their arms around me. I looked up and saw this friend of mine. I hugged him back and I started crying all over again. As I hugged him, I turned arodun and I saw Iceman standing behind my bus stop. From his face, I saw the saddest expression he's ever made. And I never want to see him make that face again. I wanted to go up to him and kiss him and tell him how sorry I was for crying over something like that but I was in so much pain that I think I ended up givign him an angry look. He decided to take the next bus that came while I waited a couple more minutes for the other bus.
As I got home, I was too depressed to talk to anybody and to eat so I stayed in my room and acutally did my homework. I called up Jasmine and asked her what happended as soonas I left McDonalds. He told me that when I left, Iceman wouldn't talk to anybody. He didn't even smile when they tried cheering him up. And when I heard this, I felt so bad because first of all, who was I to cry over something like that? Even though my friends told me that it was okay to cry, I still felt that I shouldn't have. So after talking to Jasmine, my phone rang again. It was Iceman.
"Hey," I said. My voice was cracking a bit.
"Hi. Just checking if you're okay." He said.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be fine."
"I'm sorry." He said. I felt like crying again.
"Don't be. I should be sorry. I shouldn't have cried in the first place." I said.
"It's okay to cry. You know what, it's nobody's fault so let's just forget about it, ok?"
"Ok fine." I said. He actually made me smile. It's so hard to get pissed at the one guy you love. You can only get pissed at him for like one second but after that, it's all gone. So we talked for a bit then it was time for me to go so we dropped the phone.
"Hey," I said. My voice was cracking a bit.
"Hi. Just checking if you're okay." He said.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be fine."
"I'm sorry." He said. I felt like crying again.
"Don't be. I should be sorry. I shouldn't have cried in the first place." I said.
"It's okay to cry. You know what, it's nobody's fault so let's just forget about it, ok?"
"Ok fine." I said. He actually made me smile. It's so hard to get pissed at the one guy you love. You can only get pissed at him for like one second but after that, it's all gone. So we talked for a bit then it was time for me to go so we dropped the phone.
The next day, he kept asking me every single minute if I was okay. Not a lot of people heard about what happened because we didn't want people to know. but the people who knew were surprised that we looked like nothign happened the day before. We were fooling around, tickling each other and laughing at each other's jokes. Astroboy, who is Iceman's best friend walked beside me when the bell rang.
"Now do you believe me when I sad that you and Iceman really are best friends?" He asked. I looked at him and gave him a smile.
"Yeah. Now I do."
"Now do you believe me when I sad that you and Iceman really are best friends?" He asked. I looked at him and gave him a smile.
"Yeah. Now I do."
CONCLUSION: So clearly, now we're just best friends. We may look like a couple through the people's eyes but we will never be...
Memory kept at 3:00 PM
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